Phil Vernon

I see old friends desert their wives, and ask

‘Why not?’ Looked at from outside and from in

it seems improbable our love would last

this long – yet still we wear each other’s ring.

I often fret our mutual need to cling

to love or marriage is what joins our lives

from year to year – and when we come to sing

of love, it’s love, and not our love, we strive

for. Yet you dread death, but would not survive

my death, you say; and I, in foggy dreams

of widowed freedom, feel the future screw

of pain your absence turns, sharp as a scythe.

Our love is love, and so my heart redeems

a life as long as life allows, with you.

(Published in the Kent & Sussex Poetry Folio, 2015)

and then the government attacked

and fire leapt from roof to roof

and all the colours bled to black

for days the greatest rainstorm sluiced

the soot from stumps of home to stain

the soil I lost my wife to war

our girl to floods our boy to flames

I fled with only what I wore

I hid in fields in ditches – nights

I named the rose I bred for each

repeatedly and hugged them tight

I walked in circles weeks then reached

this pebbled shore at Dungeness

awaiting boats to France or death

(This is published on Ink Sweat & Tears)

You take me to task because a man has died.

I ask: do you think I can just forget?

Know this: to protect what’s left to protect

I won’t stop short of murder when required.

We won’t return to unreaped harvests, heads

bent over crippled stalks; the awkward shapes

in stiff repose; the thrice-abandoned space

bereft of you, the slaughterers, the dead.

Democracy will wait until I fear

no more the clattered landing of the crow

in silent farmland, nor that salt-sweet smell.

In quiet moments now, the sounds I hear

are not the cries of twenty years ago –

but their foretokened echoes, should I fail.

(Published by Pennine Platform, 2016)

Tonight you told us our tomorrow will

be changeable, though starting dry.

You spoke with all the confidence instilled

by science and facts – but I could see

anxiety alive behind your eyes.

They spoke of unslept nights, of the debris

and disarray of home where dawn

no longer gracefully unfolds but bleeds

a crimson warning to the day;

of weather fronts where storm clouds follow storm.

The data show that winter’s here to stay,

but you persist with your forecast

of early spring, where daffodils display

above the snow, proof of the heat

still stored below. It will not come to pass:

your husband’s love affair with self-defeat

ensures that every sign of thaw,

however mild, is just one more deceit

before the sky turns dark again

and elements resume their climate war.

His voice, as you drive home in sheets of rain,

reveals he’s turned once more to face

the buffets of the private hurricane

he mocks and dares to do its worst –

from his retreat within the sham embrace

of grape or grain. You close your phone and curse.

Your stomach seeps with acid fear,

uncertain if the threatening clouds will burst

upon the night ahead. I share

your dread, and drink my numbness deep and fast,

to be inert when you reach here.

(Published in the Kent & Sussex Poetry Folio, 2016)    

Bring us, O Lord God, at our last awakening into the house and gate of heaven
to enter into that gate and dwell in that house, where there shall be no darkness nor dazzling,
but one equal light; no noise nor silence, but one equal music; no fears nor hopes,
but one equal possession; no ends nor beginnings, but one equal eternity;
in the habitations of thy glory and dominion, world without end. – John Donne

The bell falls quiet; the horses’ shoes collide
with cobbles; music floats; the priest appears.
we measure off our height in equal pairs,
absorb the coffin’s weight and, eyes downcast,
in tentative half-march, proceed inside.

June’s brightness filters limpid through stained glass
into a cool obscurity. Song climbs
from choir to fill the space, and all combines
in Dean Donne’s Equal Music, Equal Light,
to ease us, leaving but two questions at the last.

What makes a well-lived life good, in our sight?
The mourners praise her as a wife, her art,
the way she raised her children, her kind heart.
Was that enough, how do we set the bar?
Had she done more, might they still more delight?

And what is left of us, when what we are
dissolves? A pigeon perches in the beams,
and causes quite a stir, her soul it seems
ascending – mumbo jumbo, surely: wings
as apt to rouse, as raise her to a star.

The vicar sprinkles holy water, sings
the final phrases as his curate swings
the censer, then we shoulder her again.
I’d swear she’s lighter now than when we came –
not by the weight of her departed flame –
but since to pray together strengthens us within.

(Published in the Kent & Sussex Poetry Folio, 2015)

…through generous fields of flax, their overlapping

flowers a gentle gentian; tangled mats

of chamomile among the wheat; to trapped-

in, hedged-in meadows, hemmed by sunken tracks

and spreading oaks, with you – so closer to

the past than I – I felt the touch of those

whose baulks of timber dragged these lanes, who knew

the cloying scent of mayweed, clover, drove

the horses pastured in these intimate

enclaves to till and sow. I wondered how

this path we trod began, saw William on

his horse lean forward to negotiate

his needs: their right to walk and rent and plough

the land he’d won, with those he’d won it from.

(Shortlisted and commended in the Ealing Magna Carta competition, 2015) 

This moon, two days past its fullest, must be

shining, blue like here, on stumps and

shattered remnants of the copse I

strode through nightly seeking confirmation

of your love.

The images and spirits I once dodged,

flinched at: are they shattered too, their

shelter wrenched away – are they thus freed? Or

is their story bitterer still than ours?

Did you breathe that mushroom smell, scuff

leaves with your boots as you

scavenged: one pocket for chestnuts

and cobs the squirrels lost, the other

for ceps, and wooden whorls or shapes that

anyone else would miss?

Or did you miss all that, as I am now,

away on ventures new: not bound in life

to that small wood as you are in

this memory of you?

When the wind came, did you scream and freeze

like Hollywood? Or was it over before

it began – Bang! Breath hurled out

of your lungs to join the assault?

Even before, in the time of my nightly walks,

there were things I failed to protect you from: people,

mostly; one in particular. But that

night of the wind – what could I have done but

reach my hand for yours in unfinished

gesture of need and fear?

And now the moon shines; nights are colder.

Stumps, jagged and torn – ripped. And silence.

(Published in Other Poetry).

A precious moment splits your smile

From when your face begins to slide.

Eleven minutes splits that breath

From when the ambulance arrives.

An hour and forty minutes pass

Before a nurse is at your side.

With tenderness she takes your pulse,

Looks at her watch. And then you died.

In measurement of time and space,

Your passing lacks a feather’s weight.

Soft

Atlantic

rain

kisses my scalp –

a thousand kisses –

though we are miles from any sea.

Frogs fill the night with their

machine‑gun love song,

drowning the

mosquito hum.

Gentle swish,

benign,

of raindrops on sapling leaves, old

thatch and

fresh grass,

moon only guessed at,

     hidden

by motionless cloud.

All these – all

you –

     people,

asleep on crooked beds,

not hearing the

creak of the wheel, but

turning with it

through sleep and

the changes it brings.

Tonight I learned I’ll leave this place:

suddenly I love it.

(Published in Other Poetry)

(Metro-man was published in Elbow Room Broadsheet, June 2016)